Forced

That night I stayed

white dress

in the hotel room,

desperately trying to get a hold

of the person

I knew

cared for me,

would tell me to run,

run away from what would become

a union

to a narcissist,

two decades

spent crying myself to sleep,

working all hours

to maintain everyone’s expectations,

to be in close proximity with someone

and feel achingly lonely.

Alcohol to cover up the heartbreak.

Gossip to hide my own feelings.

and ending with a gun on the table

as another man forced himself on me

and our union unravelled because

my beloved just walked away as I

called for help.

But when I got a hold of her that night,

she told me to stay.

That was the proper thing to do.

So I did.

I stayed.

 

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She’s Going to Go

She’s going to go

No matter what you wish for

How much you know

you’ll miss her

She’ll go anyways.

She has to.

It’s her time.

 

And when she goes,

she’ll turn back one more time

so she can get a look at you

before she enters

her new world.

the one without you.

 

And she’ll definitely struggle

in the night,

in her loneliness.

And she’ll smile with

joy in the moments

she’s forgotten you.

 

And when you’re heart

grows quiet,

calmed from her absence,

coming to terms with the fact

that she’s gone,

she’ll reach out to you,

imploring you

to remember her.

 

And you’ll smile because

even though,

she had to go,

she’ll never forget

your place in her heart,

a beacon

that lights her way home.

 

 

Diagnosis

You’re so fucked up.

You can’t learn.

You can’t control yourself.

You aren’t able

to distinguish reality from

fiction.

You’re paranoid.

You need discipline.

One moment on the lips,

Just snap out of it.

If you can’t fit

your square peg

into this round hole,

then there’s something wrong with you.

Wrong.

And everyone else is right.

Everyone else is normal.

It’s you that’s fucked up.

Why can’t you

just get it together?

It’s not us.

It’s you.

Just you.

Different.

Alone.

Why can’t you just try

to act

exactly like everyone else?

It’s no big deal.